Galahad, Lancelot, Merlin, and UNCLE Walk Into A Room
by HopefulPlace
Summary: Set in present day. Eggsy Unwin's long awaited return just so happens to cross paths with a visit from the agents of U.N.C.L.E. and a very angry Roxy.


**Disclaimer: I do not own any trademarked brand within this story, including (but not limited to) Kingsman: The Secret Service, The Man From U.N.C.L.E. and other mentioned brands. These films and products belong to their associated companies and are used with permission (I think?)**

 **Also, I realized that this story is very similar to AtLoLevad's Victims of the Night. If you're reading this, I'm so sorry if it is and I will take it down if you feel that it's too close to your story. I don't want to complicate things or not have this feel like original content. Thank you.**

It just so happens that Eggsy Unwin's return coincides with Merlin showing the team from U.N.C.L.E. around the Kingsman mansion.

"This is quite impressive," Waverly comments, nodding at Merlin as they circle out of the Kingsman meeting room. Solo eyes the paintings on the wall, aristocrats and military officers showing the full might and power of the Kingsman organization. "How long has this been going on?"

Merlin turns, and fixes his eyes on the American agent. "More than a hundred years," he replies, Scottish accent clipped. Ever since Napoleon had walked into the room, Merlin had been keeping track of him out of the corner of his eye, and Solo had yet to make him smile.

"And why has no one discovered this?" Illya's accent comes through, breaking the tension. (Although he seems completely oblivious to it.) "A hundred years is impressive, even for rich aristocrats and businessmen."

"We operate under the highest level of security. Nothing comes in or out that we don't want."

"Didn't you have a huge treason issue with your last Arthur recently?" Napoleon asks innocently. Merlin glared at him.

"Alright," Waverly cut in, aware of the look on the dangerous agent's face. "we'd best get going, Solo. Kuryakin, do you have any idea where Gaby is?"

As if on cue, voices drifted down from the hallway.

"She will kill you." Gaby's voice, thick with disbelief.

"No, she won't. She might get a little angry, but nothin' I can't handle." A thick London accent, coming right behind. Illya stiffened as the pair came into view.

Gaby, straight and elegant as always, was matched by a man wearing a zip-up jacket and sports pants. He had brown-blonde hair that was neatly brushed back. He was a few inches taller than Gaby, but not as tall as Solo or Illya. He carried a small towel.

"Ah, Eggsy, this is the team from-"

"-U.N.C.L.E., yeah, I know. Nice to meet you," Eggsy shook Waverly's hand. Solo stepped forward, and Eggsy nodded. Then he fixed his eyes of Illya. Or, more accurately, he tilted his head to look up at him. "Nice to meet you too." Illya replied with a small nod.

"Well, I would stay an' chat, but I got a sparring partner who's waitin' for me." Eggsy waved his hand. "See you all later, I guess."

"You're going in the sparring room? Where Roxy is?" Merlin had an eyebrow arched in disbelief. "You just healed four broken ribs, a collarbone, and a leg, and you want to break them again?"

"Very funny. Rox isn't going ta' kill me. We're a couple."

"And in the history of Kingsman, has being with somebody really helped when your girlfriend is the one who wants to hit you?" Gaby remarked, eyebrows raised identical to Merlin's.

Eggsy scoffed. "We might be a little dysfunctional at times, but we make up. We fix it."

Gaby shrugged. "It's your funeral." Merlin grunted in agreement.

"Well, all o' you are crazy. I'll see you in a bit." Eggsy tossed the towel over his shoulder and walked out, whistling as he went.

"I assume that this Roxy is more powerful than he is?" Solo offered helpfully.

Merlin let out a sigh. "I would say so, yes."

The quintet stared at the spot where Eggsy had stood just minutes before, two knowing what was about to happen and three completely unprepared.

A yell echoed through the hall, followed by a dense thud against one of the walls that also sounded into the hallway. Napoleon, Waverly, and even Illya winced. "Am I to assume that that was Mr. Eggsy?" Waverly asked carefully.

"Probably," replied Merlin and Gaby in unison. Another dense thud and a scream this time passed before Merlin led the group out of the meeting room and down the hall into the sparring room.

The Kingsman sparring room was well equipped with bo staffs, knives, swords, and in a "Break glass if necessary" box, several shotguns and umbrellas (which completely confused Solo). However, the rack that held all of them was knocked over, staffs rolling everywhere, due to the couple that was currently wrestling in the middle of gym floor.

Eggsy gasped for breath as the smaller, blonde-haired woman pinned him to the ground. "HOW- COULD- YOU- DO- THIS- TO- ME?" She screamed at him, throwing him off of her when he gained the upper hand. Fortunately, Eggsy landed on one of the padded surfaces of the room. Unfortunately, it was the wall. Which meant that Roxy, who was half of his weight, had managed to throw him against the wall, which he bounced off of onto the harder floor, which was padded with worn stuffing.

Eggsy rolled onto his back, groaning in pain. Bruises were even starting to flower across his limbs, and a couple of cuts scarred his skin. "Rox-" he muttered. The blonde was standing up, facing away from Eggsy, when she heard her name. She didn't turn around, instead picking up her bo staff, calmly walking to the abandoned rack, standing it up straight again, and stacking the weapons onto it again.

Waverly and Napoleon's mouths were open, gaping in shock at the petite blonde. Illya looked wary, almost scared, while Gaby and Merlin watched on with unrelenting interest.

"Ten pounds says she'll hit him again," Merlin muttered.

"Make it twenty." Gaby replied, crossing her arms.

Eggsy struggled to move out of his current, defeated position. "Rox-" he managed again. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her pause, gripping a knife in her right hand. "Roxy- please-"

The knife dropped onto the floor, its blade cutting through mat as Roxy stalked towards the fallen Kingsman agent.

Eggsy lay on the floor, looking up at his girlfriend. "I'm sorry," he murmured, wincing as a part of the mat dug into his newly-healed ribs. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to 'urt you, Rox."

"How could you do this to me?" Roxy spoke the first un-yelled words to him, and he made an extra effort to face her. Through his blurred vision, he could see the redness in her skin, and the glistening eyes. "You were gone for months, Eggsy. I didn't know if you were alive or dead, and I was so scared that I would never see you again. When I caught word that you were back, I assumed that the reason you didn't say anything was because you didn't have communication or you couldn't because some gang leader or terrorist group was going to chop your head off or something if you did!"

"Merlin told me I couldn't."

"Yeah, well, screw Merlin-" (Merlin let out an offended scoff.) "-and since when have you follow rules, Eggsy? Why didn't you even think about me? About anyone else that cared about you?"

"I did care!" Eggsy pushed himself up into a sitting position. "I cared about you and my mum and my sister! I thought about you, Rox, every day I was away, every time there was a gun pointed at my head, I thought, What would Roxy do if she was here, I thought about you every minute of my life that was wasted bein' away from London, from here, from you."

"So why didn't you call?" Roxy's voice was becoming increasingly choked, and Eggsy swore that a small puddle of tears had soaked through Roxy's shirt. "Why didn't you even try to tell me you were okay, that you were alive? You were in New York, Eggs, you had access to any form of communication you wanted! You had your own flat, for God's sake! You were in no real danger!"

(Napoleon snorted. "New York is dangerous," he whispered to Gaby and Illya. "Even the pigeons are dangerous. I saw one peck an old lady's skin off once.")

Eggsy lifted his arm to rub his forehead, and winced. (Everything hurt, for God's sake Rox what kind of steroids are you on right now?) "Rox, they tol' me I had to go under. I couldn't talk ta' anyone I knew."

"But that doesn't matter to you, Eggsy! You're not the rule-follower! You're the one that breaks the rules and drives everyone batshit crazy because no one knows how the fuck to deal with you! No one knows what kind of insane shit you want to do next! Why would you change for this one mission?"

"Because I thought it would matter to you!" Eggsy shouted. "The last time I broke the rules, you almost got a knife between the eyes because someon' got ahold of our wire! I was protectin' you!"

Silence. Roxy's eyes were wide in disbelief and her anger seemed to have simmered down to a puddle, much like her tears on the ground. "Oh."

"Yeah."

No words were said between them, and the rest of the people in the room kept staring. Blink and you'll miss it, but Illya was caught by Napoleon staring at Gaby when the room went silent, as if he was trying to communicate something.

"So you'll forgive me, yeah?" Eggsy tried nervously, the grunting as Roxy pushed herself into his chest, wrapping her arms tightly around him.

"Yeah," she sniffled. "Yes, yes, yes." Eggsy grinned.

"You know you love me, Rox."

"Actually, I forgot one thing." Roxy straightened up again, and leaned in. Eggsy grinned and mirrored her action.

The moment they were about to kiss, Roxy leaned back and slammed her fist into Eggsy's face. "Give me a couple of days," she said to him. Eggsy clutched his nose in shock.

Roxy took Eggsy's towel and wiped off the sweat beading on her forehead, nodding to Merlin and the others as she went out. "Merlin. Waverly. Nice to see you, Gaby." Roxy turned her stare on Napoleon and Illya, and they both unconsciously stepped back a step. "Solo and Kuryakin, I presume?"

"Yes." They both said in unison, with a tinge of nervousness in their voices.

"Great. I'll see you all later." Roxy walked out, leaving Eggsy bleeding on the floor, Merlin logging the results of the fight on his clipboard, and four spies shocked and scared.

Eggsy was in the hospital wing for almost two months before Merlin cleared him.

 **So I hope you liked that little one-shot!**

 **Anyone who follows my Google+ page or my Tumblr (exactly two people, really) know that I have an extreme obsession with Kingsman and I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE SEQUEL OMFG. I watched UNCLE last week on Election Day and while I liked Kingsman more, both stand their ground within their source material. I love both of my ships within the fandoms and I really hope that they get resolved (more Kingsman than UNCLE. I don't think we're getting a sequel for UNCLE.)**

 **For my To the Moon and Back readers: I'm trying to figure out the schematics for the upcoming chapter, but it should be finished/posted before or by Thanksgiving break. If you guys really don't want to wait, I'll see if I get enough commenters and I might post a "fun facts" or "snippets" on my Google+ page at : 109870784843041981418/posts**

 **See you guys soon!**


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